Reflection from a half-marathon (run-a-walk) finisher

Tell you something oxymoronic in my 2nd half-marathon run yesterday. In 2007, I completed my run in under 3hrs, with only some sparse training sessions, with only 3km as the longest distance clocked during my trainings, albeit with lots of pain & a terrible limp that went on inexorably for the whole 1 week! This year, I trained a little more than sparingly as compared to 2007, with the longest distance clocked close to 10km & yet… I came in worse than my timing in 2007. BUT, there wasn’t that terrible limp and I could well, walk just with a little limp. So what’s the moral of this story? Don’t train for a half-marathon! (Nah, I’m not serious here. The contrary is true). The real moral of the story is – I have aged a little & the various slopes at Sentosa done me in.

I do reflect quite a fair bit and usually it’s quite interesting that God would deposit those small nuggets of gems while I am engaged in some activities. Running a half-marathon is one of such instances where out-of-the-blue, I gained a certain insight and that thought stayed throughout in my mind as I struggled to complete the remaining distance that seemed like eternity.

When you compete in a marathon, you want to finish the race. We ALL want to finish the race. Some want to finish sub 2hrs, some within 3hrs and the list goes on. I, too, am no different. I had my personal target & a time that I wanted to achieve. Yet, at the 10km mark, I felt that I could run no further. I had to walk – to listen to my body. At that point, I just wanted to complete the marathon; ‘heck the time’. But this is a no-brainer thought. My point is this- once you start the race, set the ball rolling, follow the course – you WILL finish the race, be it whether you run, walk or crawl provided that you do not deviate from the course. So, in my mind, I was just wishing for something that was a for-sure course of event.

There & then I realised, that perhaps a more significant purpose for consideration was not about completing the race (because all of us will complete it eventually) but the issue was HOW WELL I wanted to finish the race. At that point, it suddenly dawned upon me that I had already lost this race. I was merely cruising along, with an impending certainty of what’s at the end, with other significant thousands. Some obviously going to end it much better than the others. 2 Cs – Capability and Capacity came into my mind and wherein lay the key to my enlightenment at that point onwards.

We all have the capability to run. As long as you have 2 legs & you can open your strides wide enough; you are running. Here in this race, I had the capability to run. I ran to the best of my ability. However, I didn’t have the capacity to finish it. I was inadequately prepared to handle the demands & challenges the course had to offer because I did not build my capacity. That is where the difference is between one who merely finishes the race & one who finishes the race well. We need to build our capacity to run the long haul. Our capabilities will bring us only to a certain point (for me, the 10km mark in the race) and thereafter how well we progress will be dependant on our capacity to endure and triumph in the long haul.

What then is this capacity? I believe it is the basics, the very foundation of running.Sounds easy, isn’t it? In order to run, go running! Practice! Stick to your training regime! Eat right! Work at your basics. The problem is … these things are sometimes too fundamental & obvious & subtle for me to even note or pay attention to. At the end of the day, I didn’t finish the race well because my fundamentals weren’t build strongly.Full-stop. Thank God, that was only just a race in which I could have another go next year, the year & the next & so on. But extend the thought a little further … whether we like it or not, we are all ‘running’ in a race, where there will be a finishing line. We WILL cross it at some point in our existence on earth. What are our fundamentals & how we are building our capacity so that we can finish well? That was the question I grappled with as I walked leisurely along the Ayer Rajah Expressway, with the distant skyscrapers of city hall (the end point) & the likes dotting the skyline. I knew I could have another half-marathon, but I also know that in life, I only have ONE race, of which I am a participant now along with the significant billions. I will finish it for sure; but as to how well I would complete it – that would depend on the strength of the fundamentals, disciplines & core purpose in my life.

I want to participate in another half-marathon again. This time, I want to make sure I not just finish the race; I want to build the capacity to FINISH IT WELL.

Life verse for 2011

It has been about 3 months since I last blogged. Time really passes by so quickly that if we are not careful, we can be swept in the quick sand of time. Indeed, as I blog, I am reminded of God’s word that says that our life is like a mere breath. It comes and goes and before we know it, our life is almost over even before it begins.

The past 2 months were horrendous (and that was quite an understatement!). I was so caught up with work daily that I refused to do any work when I was back at home at night. Work totally zapped me out and I was just like the last runner in that 400 m dash, that had to keep chasing after the runner that was before me. That of course, took a toil on my spiritual life and exercise was also non-exisitence. In the end, it became a vicious cycle … you feel tired and therefore you don’t exercise and because you don’t exercise, you feel even tired … and ditto & ditto. But, I guess at the end of the day, it isn’t work that’s causing all these dryness (work just became a convenient excuse for all)… it’s the lack of guard for the ‘inner space’ that caused both the spiritual and physical lethargy.

I am really thankful for the CG corporate prayer time last Friday. It is times like these that helped me centre-down and take stock of life as a whole. It was a time where God was deliberately sought and there I met Him. It was a sombre reminder through words of a CG member that we have to be ‘purpose driven and not schedule driven’. There & then, the words broke the darkness in my heart. There, a small glimpse of God’s light shone in the dark recesses of my heart, reminding me that I had lost the forest for the trees. Indeed, I had been frantically clearing deadlines that the strategic significance and importance of my role and purposes were gone. There & then, I was brought to the ultimate reality again, the ultimate reality that there is a spiritual realm of which there is a higher purpose for my life and yours.

I thank God for igniting a little of the passion for Him once again. Had a good time in church today and in the midst of the sermon, I felt God putting Philippians 3:7-12 into my heart. It is just the WORDS of God that I needed at this season of life and for 2011. What is more important than knowing the God of the universe ? Indeed, Paul with all his brilliance understood that it paled thousands, trillions times in comparison to the majesty and brilliance of the Most High King. What is all my achievements and successes compared to the Greatest of my King?

I am easily distracted. I lost my focus easily. But I thank God for His timely reminder and for the life verse for 2011. While 3 months have passed, there are still 9 more months to go in 2011. And in these 9 months, I can yield myself once again to the Master… I can once again come before the Creator of all things & put into reality the words that were upon the heart of the Apostle Paul who wrote:

“⁷ But whatever was to my profit I now consider loss for the sake of Christ. ⁸ What is more, I consider everything a loss compared to the surpassing greatness of knowing Christ Jesus my Lord, for whose sake I have lost all things. I consider them rubbish, that I may gain Christ ⁹ and be found in him, not having a righteousness of my own that comes from the law, but that which is through faith in Christ—the righteousness that comes from God and is by faith. ¹⁰ I want to know Christ and the power of his resurrection and the fellowship of sharing in his sufferings, becoming like him in his death, ¹¹ and so, somehow, to attain to the resurrection from the dead.¹² Not that I have already obtained all this, or have already been made perfect, but I press on to take hold of that for which Christ Jesus took hold of me.”

Philippians 3: 7 – 12

May God help me.

Sunrise in Redang & A Place I Call “HOME”

This is kind of a simple first post to get my page on ‘The World Thru my Lenses’ started. It’s a series of shot I took of the sunrise in Redang. It was my first decent shot of sunrise and I was kind of surprised that I could wake up that early, on that particular morning for the shoot. Forbearing the cold, damp morning air, coupled with a photography magazine in my hand, I fiddled with all the buttons on my DSLR just to get the perfect shot. Thankfully, I was quite glad that the venture turned out to be a pleasant one. Here are some photos for your enjoyment.

The first breaking of dawn

The sun slowly rousing from its sleep

The sun breaking through in the darkness of the night

On my way back from Redang, I saw Singapore from a new perspective. The tiny dots of flats that are sprinkled in wide array on the island – is the place where I call my home – Singapore.

Singapore from the air

Milestones in My Life

Today is one of those special days in my life. It marks my 34 years of existence in this transient & perhaps ephemeral phase of life on earth. It’s really amazing to see how far I have come and also more intrepid to think of the journey that lies ahead.

“What is mankind that you are mindful of them, a son of man that you care for him.” Hebrews 2:6

Indeed, God has been gracious and kind in all the years of my life. I may not have used all my time as wisely as I should; I may not have followed wholeheartedly as many pioneers before me did but God was there, is still there and am very much a large part of my life. It has been a challenge to lead a disciplined life and it will continue to be a challenge ahead but it does not negate the fact that GOD is and will continue to be faithful till my end. There are days when life feels really mundane and routine. Yet, when I look back on my life thus far – it may not be a great story like David, or Solomon or Jesus – the hand of God is always there moulding me & giving me the opportunity for growth. Who I am today, is largely due to the milestones in my life. It is only befitting that as I lapse into a time of reflection and recalling to put into writing the 3 major milestones in my life (though there may be many, but I guess there are 3 major influences that really made me who I am). They are in a large part how God uses people around me and my circumstances to influence my philosophy, thought and personality.

1) My involvement in Youth For Christ (YFC).

I really have to be thankful to all the friends, mentors, leaders and people in YFC. That’s my first introduction to what ministry work is all about. It is also the point where I was confronted with the hard truths that serving God demands my all – all of my time, my life, my brains and my energies. In YFC, that’s where I learnt the cost of discipleship. More than that, through the countless hours put into studying the Word of God, my mental faculties were developed. I learnt that there is depth in the Word of God and it takes hardwork and diligence to see His Word in context. It was also in my formative years in YFC, where I learnt to run events, organise camps and learn through failures. It was really cutting edge to learn through experiential experiences – though I think it wasn’t quite a catchphrase then. Indeed, for the people who put in the time for me – I am so thankful. Because of your faithful service to the Lord, because you spent time with me in studying the Word of God, in teaching me leadership principles – I am what I am today. Without my involvement in YFC, I would not have the acumen and sense to make sense of my place in this world. I would not know how to teach my students what being a leader actually means.

2) The church that I am in (CEFC)

The church that I am in for the past 17 years also contribute largely to my biblical philosophy and beliefs. Being in the church for so long, and having grown up in the church – I see how the pastors led in the church and how the various ones grew in their pulpit ministry. More importantly, I learnt from the pastors what sound exposition is and I continue to imbue myself with deep, insightful teaching of the Word of God. It is through CEFC where I learnt how to communicate with all sincerity and humour. It is through the pulpit ministry where I learnt effective communication. It is also in the church through Pastor Edmund – I learnt how to ride the tension – and follow the call to a balanced position. Indeed, I cannot neglect that strong influence growing up in the church has on me. If I were in another church, I believe I would be a very different person, with a different perspective to things. Yet, because I am in a word-centred church, the tension to hold fast to the truth and call to live a substantial life remains a very real reality and challenge in my life – up till today. Thanks to the pastors, I see what leadership in leading in an organisation is all about. Thanks to the pastors, I see the grace and shrewdness needed to traverse the challenges of this world.

3) The job that I have

Teaching isn’t my first job. It is my 2nd. I remembered how because of my lack of experience in acing that interview, I didn’t quite make it the first round. Yet, that is not a bad thing because having worked in the corporate sector for a while, I came to the conclusion that no job is easy. Though teaching is a tough job, I no longer sees it as a job. It is my ministry – one that I go up and about everyday, without seeing myself as going to work. It has become part of me, a very large part indeed and if it is taken away, I would feel quite strange altogether. This, is another major milestone in my life because it is in teaching where I find my calling and passion. It is the area where I find most satisfaction and fulfilment in – a testing ground where my personality, patience and skills are tested. More importantly, it is a battleground where lives are either won or lost – through our interaction with them. Having been on the job for 6 years (my longest, and quite a surprise for one who is always restless), I see God’s hand in growing me into maturity. There are days when I really felt lousy and wanted to quit – yet God thought me the meaning of holding on and persevering. It is here – where my patience is tested; It is here – where all that I have learnt in my formative years are put into practice; it is here – where I continue to seek the next milestone in my life. Yet for all the successes in my job, I know, deep inside my heart, without God there can be no real sense of fulfilment and meaning to life.

As I count my blessings and look forward with anticipation to the next (34 years?) lap of my life … I am reminded that there are many more milestones yet to come. Life is one where choices are made – and the choices determine how my life would unfold in days to come. I certainly won’t know what will happen and I can’t foretell the future. Yet, I know that I have to trust my life in the hands of the One who has cared for me in ages past and in the age to come.

It is only right that I learn to yield my restless, stubborn and wilful spirit into the hands of the loving, sovereign and Almighty God. As I grow older, I want to constantly remind myself that without Him, there is no meaning to my short and meaningless life. It is only in Him, the signposts along the way makes great sense and purpose in my life.

All glory to God,

31 Jan 2011

2 steps forward, 3 steps back

It has been a while since I last blogged. To say that it’s a while is an understatement – in truth, it has been close to a year. I can’t imagine that I have not even visited my blog for close to a year. Indeed, if it’s here where I want to record my thoughts, my emotions, my milestones in my life, I definitely need to start churning out more posts – at least to immortalize the ‘Here & now’ moments in my life.

God has been good this year. I have learnt quite a lot from Him, particularly in the area of centering down & learning to grow deep in my station in life.

Currently, I am fighting lots of fire, particularly in clearing all the backlog that I have. It’s really madness to keep clearing all the mess that I have picked up the whole of Semester… and the most fantastic news is that ‘I can’t clear it all’! It’s one after another and I really wonder ‘Will we ever move forward, if there are so many backlogs to clear?’

There is a spiritual truth to be learnt from my current situation, I guess. I hate to be behind deadlines… and I hate even more to constantly do things in a rush or hurry. To move forward, we need to be forward looking, we need to take time – once & for all to leave behind our ‘behinds’. Am looking forward to a good personal retreat (which I don’t know when it will happen) … I need to learn anew to let the God of the future, lead, guide and carry me into the future.

It is possible, with God, to leave our yesterdays and move ahead with new resolve and strength. May God tutor me to use my time more efficiently and purposefully.

Jeffrey’s #1 Hit Chart for the week: ‘I just want You’ (Planet Shakers)

Have you ever experienced a doldrum in your life where everything (other than yourself) in your life whizzes at an extremely fast pace but yet you are still pretty much rooted where you are? Silence. Pause. Inactivity.

I always like to use the phrase ‘time flies’ and it’s true. It does! Been about a month since I last wrote on my blog. What has transpired in the past 1 month?I’ve cleared all my markings for examinations. I’ve been to Cambodia and back, not withstanding all the coordinations and preparations needed for an overseas school trip. I did my FIRST video presentation, using Imovie for my Cambodia trip, took lots of photographs and that’s about it – all in 1 month’s work! Of course, eating a little and putting some weight here and there.  I don’t whether the amount of work done is a good gauge as to whether I have used my time effectively or ineffectively, but it does show my sense of mortality. I’m a human and I am bound by space and time. In this 1 month, I can only DO this much… and the good news is, I have more deadlines looming over my head before I can get a well-deserved break! When will I ever finish all the work I need to do???

Because of my hectic schedule, I find myself praying less & sleeping more,  reading less & eating more. Maybe that’s one of the reasons why God is silent and I am in a doldrum. I am in a rut, waking & sleeping and going about my daily chores like a zombie, slowly losing my sense of being and sight of my wonderful Creator until today… when I suddenly stumbled upon the song ‘I just want you’ by PlanetShakers. I did force myself to read the bible actually, but it was dry. REAL DRY… until I hear this song, ‘I just want You’. I couldn’t find the clip sung by Planetshakers on Youtube, and the best I could get is this version sung in one of the services in City Harvest Church. I like their worship and the songs never fail to minister to me.

Indeed, it echoes the cry of my heart at this present moment – Lord, how can I go about life without my God in my life? Life without God is meaningless and no wonder, I am stuck in a rut. This has to be THE song of the week, because it reminded me once again, the deepest need of all humankind and that is God. We will never find our rest and refuge, always toiling, working, playing, partying mindlessly, unless and until, we come on our knees again, back to the arms of our Creator, Saviour and God.

‘There’s no greater love than Yours, Nothing else could compare.

And even if I search all the world, I will never find a love like Yours.”

May this song minister to you in the weeks to come, just as it has to me. I just want You Jesus. I just want You, more than anything else in this world.

Jeffrey’s #1 Hit Chart for the Week: ‘We Cry Out’

I really can’t imagine how life will be like without music. And thank God for giving us talented Christian singers in His Kingdom to encourage & prod us along in our journey on earth. All thanks to my old friend Gerald, who sent an email sharing an old song by Michael Card titled ‘Love Crucified Arose’. That’s a wonderful song & from the Youtube link, I deviated; I went on to search for other songs & discovered a singer whom I have never heard before. Her name is Kari Jobe and her songs are … WOW… ministering. I like her clean cut voice. It’s simple and I guess it’s in the simplicity that we all encounter God personally.

As a person who can’t live without music (or rather my ipod), I indulgently added more songs to my already vast collections (despite the many DEADLINES looming over my head!). Not surprising, with my effort over the years, I now have quite a lot of  Christian songs in my Itunes, which I proudly termed – My Collection. One good way, which I think I could put my collection of songs to good use is to share with  YOU – my fellow brothers & sisters in Christ (or visitors) to my blog. This sort of started this ‘Jeffrey’s #1 Hit Chart for the week’ kind of thing. Of course, I will update it as and when I need a break from the madness of work; to this solitude of retreat & regaining of my sanity through writing.

So now on to the topic of this week – the #1 hit chart for the week is …(drum roll)… Kari Jobe’s ‘We Cry Out’. Why is this song on my #1 chart this week? A nonsensical and duh answer would be because I like this singer. However, on a serious note – I think this song does go out to all my friends who are experiencing some difficult situations in their lives. To some; it is the agony of leadership & the weariness of moving people who refuse to be moved; to another, it is the health & speedy recovery of her loved one; to another, it is to face up to reality in midst of despair and defeat; and to another, it is the perils and challenges of living alone in a foreign land. Yet, despite all our challenges & circumstances, there is something we can all do – and that is to CRY OUT to the Lord.

I especially like this song, because it reminds me of the Grace of the Lord. The lyrics in the first 2 stanzas are especially moving and ministering:

“Father of life, seated on your throne of grace/ It is only by your mercy we are saved.

Lord You said, if we call upon Your name/ We and our families will be saved.

Father of love never failing to forgive/ Each moment is a gift from you to live.

We are only here to tell the world about your grace/ Until the day you take us all away.”

God did say in the book of Acts that if we believe in Him, we and our family will be saved. It’s really a timely reminder for all of us to realise that time is precious and it’s a gift from God to us. More than that – God is one who will hold true to all that He has promised. We need to reconnect with Him again by crying out to Him & calling on His name. There is one thing God cannot do; and that is to go contrary to His character.

As I approach the end of 2009, I am totally blown away of how fast time flies. I can’t really say that I have accomplished much this year – let alone to account to God for how badly I have managed my own time. Yet, despite of all my ineffectiveness, I am thankful that God’s grace is there – ever supporting & holding me. Likewise, my friends – remember God. His grace is always there – we just need to cry out to Him, hold on to Him and seek solace in His loving arms.

In closing, I want to share with you God’s promises to me when I was at my lowest ebb of my life this year. It has been a tough year, not just in terms of work, but also in my personal arena. Yet, God always speaks when we are ready to listen. And in the stillness of that morning, I heard God’s voice in Isaiah 45:2 – 7 saying … “I will go before you and level the mountains; I will break down gates of bronze and cut through bars of iron. I will give you treasures of darkness, riches stored in secret places, so that you may know that I am the Lord, the God of Israel, who summons you by name. For the sake of Jacob my servant, of Israel my chosen, I summon you by name and bestow on you a title of honour, though you do not acknowledge me. I am the Lord and there is no other; apart from me there is no God. I will strengthen you, though you have not acknowledged me, so that from the rising of the sun to the place of the setting men may know there is none besides me. I am the Lord and there is no other. I form the light and create darkness, I bring prosperity and create disaster; I, the Lord, do all these things.”

Give thanks to God in all circumstances and CRY OUT to Him. I’m sure He answers & speaks, when we are all ready to listen. Enjoy Kari Jobe’s ‘We Cry Out’.

The Glory of the Cross

Christian songs are somehow therapeutic. They have this amazing power to calm any anxious soul and bring one into the inner sanctuary of the Living God. My penchant for Christian music is quite varied & wide – I listen to anything from Hymns, to Hillsongs, to Chinese & even Cantonese gospel songs. I like especially the Cantonese Christian music as the melody is soothing and lyrics are very very meaningful.

One particular piece that I like very much, especially for the apt lyrics at this moment of my life – is the song ‘Shi Zhi Jia De Guang Mang’. Translated into English, it means ‘The Glory of the Cross’. I would like to attempt something that I have not tried before, that is to do a translation of this song from Cantonese into English. I would like very much to share this song with you, and also for myself as it is a good reminder, that no matter how tough life’s challenges can be – we still must pick ourselves up & walk again. We must keep the cross of God in our sight.

Here’s a translation of the song ‘The Glory of the Cross”.

The road ahead is tough, but compared to your road to Calvary my ‘sufferings’ are nothing at all. I need to get up & walk again. You faced the troubles & difficulties, you experienced all the human emotions of joy and sadness.When embrace by the depth of your love, I gain freedom & victory

*Chorus: I keep my eyes on the Glory of the Cross, I live each day with You. You help me in my weaknesses and understand my current circumstances. Despite all the difficulties & sadness that I faced, you are always by my side. You watched over my life, I have the confidence to face the challenges head on.

May the song encourage all the faint-hearted and help us understand that our challenges are nothing compared to the suffering Jesus’ suffered. We may feel pain and sadness in the face of our setbacks in life, but if we keep the Cross of our God firmly in sight, the road ahead will still be light. Our steps may be heavy and adversities many, but we must keep getting up & moving on – with the Cross of Jesus firmly in our sight.

The BIBLE we hold in our hands

King James version, New King James version, New American Standard Bible, New International version, Good News Bible, Amplified bible, The Message & the available versions go on and on and on…

Today is Teachers’ Day. Kudos to all teachers and we all deserve a good rest and pat on our back for investing in the lives of our youths. I took the opportunity today to visit The Dead Sea Scrolls Exhibition that is held in Singapore. Going on a weekday afternoon is one sure way to beat the maddening crowd which one would otherwise meet on a weekend or evening. The prospect of coming face to face with artifacts spanning over 5000 years certainly whet my appetite quite a fair bit. Moreover, the artifacts are a living testament of my faith and belief in the Word of God. It’s definitely a chance not to be missed to encounter the ancient relics.

Although there are only 3 galleries for the whole exhibition, it is sufficient to leave a deep impact for all her visitors. What it fails to cover in breadth and quantity, it compensates by its depth and quality. It’s really amazing to see the hand of God in the preservation of His Word through the centuries. Quoting from a signage from the exhibition on The Dead Sea Scrolls, it says:

“Interestingly, the only complete scroll in the entire Dead Sea collection is the 2,100-year-old Isaiah Scroll which contains this prophecy about Scripture: ‘It will not return to me empty, but will accomplish what I desire and achieve the purpose for which I sent it’(Isa 55:11).”

Indeed, I believe that it is beyond mere coincidence that a shepherd boy would wander off looking for his lost sheep, near the caves of Qumran; that of all the biblical texts, Isaiah – that prophetic book about the coming Messiah would be found in its complete form.

Something more important that I glean out of this exhibition is that the Bible we hold in our hands so easily available today, in myriad varieties and copies and versions, don’t really come easily. Ironically, the prosecution of the reformers came from the Church – who believed that Scriptures should not be in the hands of the common, but only those approved by the State.

We have to be thankful for the lives of John Wycliff, Eramus, Martin Luther, William Tyndale and many more who paved the way for the modern English bible we hold today, in our hands. They were the best of minds in their time; the bravest of men who devoted their God-given talents & time to doing what they were called to do. There wasn’t a hint of reservation, retreat or hesitation. Death didn’t come easy for most of them but certainly the impact & legacy they leave behind is still felt very much today.

I didn’t know Church’s history can be so interesting. Today, I got reacquainted with my faith & the Bible I hold in my hands. It’s covered with many martyrs’ blood and more importantly, it’s a testament that God’s enduring word will last for eternity.

I ought to be ashamed that my waking hours are spent languishing on worldly matters; I ought to be ashamed that I need to ‘motivate’ myself to read the living word of God regularly; I ought to be ashamed that I have so many nicely decorated copies of the Bible (Life Application, NIV Study Bible, NASV) that are collecting dust in that obscure little corner of my room: I ought to … start to treasure the Bible I hold in my hands.

I have encountered the God of the Bible, today.

He pursues me even till now…

It has been such a long time where the never-ending pursuit of God is so palpable in my life. Even as I looked back at the various milestones in my life, the indelible marks left by God and His mercies are so clearly evident. This particular time, is no different from the others. God sought me & taught me through His Word the need to be serious in my walk with Him. It started with a small responsibility – to prepare a Bible study on Numbers 25, but the preparation ended with a heavy heart and the realisation that I have so failed God in so many ways in my life.

I was assigned to lead in my CG bible study session last Friday. Being my usual lazy self, I thought perhaps I could catch a wink and wake up later to prepare for my Bible study session. So I took my afternoon siesta at about 3pm, hoping to wake up at 4pm. Lo & behold, I slept heartily past 4pm, to 5pm, and then to 6pm. When I was fully conscious & had enough of rest, it was already 6.30pm! I panicked as I had to get out of the house soon. I took out my Life Application Bible & started looking at Numbers 25. In that short 20 minutes or so, I knew it was a very heavy passage to digest and I couldn’t understand the full gravity of the thrust of the passage itself. I prayed that God would help me capture the essence of the passage and more importantly, a glimpse of His heart.

The passage speaks about how the Moabites infiltrated into the camp of Israel and caused them to turn and sin against God. What the Moabites couldn’t do through warfare and sorcery, they accomplished through the women. The Israelites were totally entrapped and captivated by the beauty of the Moabites and Midanites women. Soon, their hearts were turned away from God and were participating in rituals of idolatry. God’s anger was great and in that day, 24,000 people died from swords & plague. It is scary how this passage depicts a similar situation then and now. In fact, we have to content with evil that is so insidious that we no longer view them as evil. I see how the passion & lust for worldly things have replaced our zeal and love for the Almighty God. I see my endless pursuit of ‘things’ in my life, drawing me away from realising my potential in Christ. It’s really frightening to see how the world has got into me, even without me recognising, thinking and doing something about it. It was a good wake – up call, one to the realisation that I’m a child of God and I have a destiny in the hands of my ever-loving Father.

God was already preparing my heart to receive this message some time back, when I read Jeremiah 5. In it, verse 28 caught my attention. It says of the Israelites that ‘they have grown fat & sleek.’ I didn’t pay much attention to it anyway then, but somehow I knew that it was a very apt description of my lifestyle and my life. I have grown fat & sleek in many ways. I have not tended the garden of my heart as diligently and disciplined as I should. I allow my own laziness to consume me and my worldly desires to fuel my everyday. With Numbers 25, God brought me back to my knees again, to the realisation that I need Him, more so than He needs me.

I like Eugene Peterson’s translation of 2 verses in Romans 13:13 & Col 3:15, as I did a further reflection on Numbers 25.  In Romans 13:13 from The Message, it says:

^11-14But make sure that you don’t get so absorbed and exhausted in taking care of all your day-by-day obligations that you lose track of the time and doze off, oblivious to God. The night is about over, dawn is about to break. Be up and awake to what God is doing! God is putting the finishing touches on the salvation work he began when we first believed. We can’t afford to waste a minute, must not squander these precious daylight hours in frivolity and indulgence, in sleeping around and dissipation, in bickering and grabbing everything in sight. Get out of bed and get dressed! Don’t loiter and linger, waiting until the very last minute. Dress yourselves in Christ, and be up and about! (emphasis mine)

In Colossians 3:5

^5-8And that means killing off everything connected with that way of death: sexual promiscuity, impurity, lust, doing whatever you feel like whenever you feel like it, and grabbing whatever attracts your fancy. That’s a life shaped by things and feelings instead of by God. It’s because of this kind of thing that God is about to explode in anger. It wasn’t long ago that you were doing all that stuff and not knowing any better. But you know better now, so make sure it’s all gone for good: bad temper, irritability, meanness, profanity, dirty talk.

I particularly like the way Eugene Peterson translated these verses because they really bring out the modern day mentality of living & the way of life. How often do we hear people saying ‘I like to do it my way’ or the countless ‘whatever’ muttered by many youths of today. That’s the life shaped by things & feelings instead of by God & how often I am so, so guilty of it.

A few recent events have caused me to think about the brevity of life and the final ‘departure gate’ we will have to cross one day. That’s one gate where we will bid our goodbyes to this world & a hello to our Glorious Father. While at the crematorium yesterday for an ex-student of mine, I suddenly remembered a newspaper article I read some time back. In it, was an interview with Mr Lim Siong Guan, ex head of the civil service in Singapore. I can’t really remember the exact words but in a gist, he mentioned that the value one leaves behind in an organisation could be seen in how many of the initiatives are kept. If the incumbent CEO throws away many of the previous CEO initiatives or ideas, then that must not be a very valuable initiative. Likewise, in our life, the strength and value of our work is not determined by what we accomplished while alive. Rather, the value of all our present work and effort should be assessed on the impact it leaves, even long after we are gone. We need to leave a legacy behind, one that builds for the future. Our Lord Jesus modeled that very well for us … and we are aware of the legacy & impact He leaves behind 2000 + years ago through the lives of the disciples that He poured His life into.

Living a life that pleases God is a tall order and one that requires great discipline & encouragement from like-minded friends. Truly, I am not perfect. Truly, I have my own past, failures and regrets. But I am excited because I also know what my Lord can do when I am totally surrendered to Him. I want to begin a new adventure of faith with Him. I want to pursue Him, as He continues to pursue me, even till now. Just like how Jesus was able to turn water into wine in the first miracle He performed, I am certain that IN GOD, He is able to turn my weaknesses into strengths, my pains into joy, my defeats into victories.

May I invite you all to join me in this new found adventure of faith with God. My Jesus, my beautiful Saviour